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Pure adult joke

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#1
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”-----------------
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amit303,

QwertyUpiUser is not available now
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#2
laughing
snnboo12User is not available now
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#3
Hahahahah this is great
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#4
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."-----------------
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amit303,
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#5
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."-----------------
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amit303,
MrNobodyUser is not available now
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#6
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
rayanbillUser is not available now
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#7
make my dayy ?
daz007User is not available now
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#8
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
lolutan9999User is not available now
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#9
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
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#10
"Daddy, where did I come from?" seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" the mom asks. "Not really," the little girl says. "Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."
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#11
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
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#12
Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!"
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#13
A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!" The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"
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#14
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
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#15
One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"
lolutan9999User is not available now
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#16
What did the egg say after he was put in a pot of boiling water? I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.
daz007User is not available now
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#17
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
daz007User is not available now
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#18
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
May I come in?
May I come in who?
May I come in you!
daz007User is not available now
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#19
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
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#20
An old married couple are in church one Sunday…
When the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
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#21
lmao laughing
daz007User is not available now
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#22
I don’t like my boyfriend watching pornography. I do think it’s kind of a form of infidelity, because he’ll be imagining himself having sex with other women, and I don’t understand why he needs to watch it when I draw him such great vaginas.” – Sara Pascoe
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#23
Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words

Boy:dont worry its tooth brush


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#24
."AFRICAN PROVERBS"
*********

⭕ 1) The anger of a penis doesn't destroy the vagina. (Zimbabwe)
⭕ 2) There's no virgin in a maternity ward. (Cameroon)
⭕ 3) A child can play with it's mother's breasts but not with the father's testicles. (Ghana)
⭕ 4) The man who marries a beautiful woman and the farmer who grows corn by the road side have the same problem. (Ghana)
⭕ 5) When you see a woman sitting with her legs open, never tell her to close them, because you do not know her source of fresh air. (Ethiopia)
⭕ 6) He who says that nothing lasts forever has never tried Hausa perfume. (Nigeria)
⭕ 7) The only woman who knows where her man is every night is a widow. (Togo)
⭕ 8) An erected penis has no conscience. (Uganda)
⭕ 9) If you go to sleep with an itching anus, you are sure to wake up with smelly fingers. (Kenya)
⭕ 10) The day a mosquito lands on your testicles is the day you will know there is a better way of resolving issues without using violence..(Senegal )
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#25
loved this thread lol hahaha
CasanovaUser is not available now
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#26
चाय और गर्लफ्रेन्ड में क्या समानताएं होनी चाहिए?
चाय और गर्लफ्रेन्ड में कुल सात समानताएं ज़रूरी हैं:
गर्म होनी चाहिए।
तेज़ होनी चाहिए।
मीठी होनी चाहिए।
रंग सही होना चाहिए।
दूध ज़्यादा होना चाहिए।
जल्दी से तैयार हो जानी चाहिए।
और
हमेशा बिस्तर पर मिलनी चाहिए।
CasanovaUser is not available now
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#27
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
CasanovaUser is not available now
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#28
लड़की : झूठ बोलने की कोशिश मत करना वरना मैं पकड़ लुंगी।
लड़का : wao! तब तो मैं रोज झूठ बोलूंगा और तुम रोज पकड़ोगी।
लड़की : मादरचोद ? मैंने कहा मैं तेरा झूठ पकड़ लुंगी।। कमीना.. ??????
DentrentUser is not available now
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#29
I love all these jokes they’re pretty funny.
vickydoyeUser is not available now
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#30
How can you tell if your husband is dead? A. The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
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#31
Quote:
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

AragornUser is not available now
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#32
impressive ?
yehs6User is not available now
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#33
"I'm in my bed and you're in your bed. One of us is obviously in the wrong place"
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#34
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Keywords:family, dinner, father, surprised, answers, through, phases, breasts, melons, hanging, onions, infuriated, daughter, different, willies, mother, smiles, mighty,
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