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Forum Main>>Sms/Jokes/Poems>>

+18 ****Adult Jokes****

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AntivirusUser is not available now
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#21
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."
AntivirusUser is not available now
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#22
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
AntivirusUser is not available now
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#23
A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch."
Crash_TV_User is not available now
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#24
Good Job keep updating bro...

john_honaiUser is not available now
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#25
Johnny wanted to have s#x with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.
She responded, "The idiot used coins!" cry1
Mr.StrangeUser is not available now
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#26
Very funny and best jokes
gustrzoUser is not available now
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Rank : Junior Member
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#27
hahahaha excellent ones
gustrzoUser is not available now
[PM 2266]
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#28
What did the clitoris say to the vulva?
“It’s all good in the hood!”
gustrzoUser is not available now
[PM 2266]
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#29
My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex…
I said I haven’t looked.
gustrzoUser is not available now
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#30
Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)”
gustrzoUser is not available now
[PM 2266]
Rank : Junior Member
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#31
How did you quit smoking?
I decided to smoke only after sex.
gustrzoUser is not available now
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#32
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.
TesterguyUser is not available now
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#33
hahahaha .. nice ones
snnboo12User is not available now
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#34
-Lets have sex
+No, it cannot be that way, you should be more romantic.
- You like stars right darling?
+Yes
-Lets have sex in a 3 star hotel
BannedUser is not available now
[PM 3084]
Rank : Junkie
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#35
Dubai special

Husband and his wife went to Dubai...

Husband Got into Mood & said
"Dear pehle room pe chale ya Burj Khalifa pe ...?
.
.
.
.

Wife: "ROOM hi chalo ,
Burj Khalifa to kal bhi Khada Rahega"
??????-----------------
1 ❤:
KAKOO,
BannedUser is not available now
[PM 3084]
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#36
Son: I dont like masturbution

Dad: What r u talking

Son: He punishes me & gives lot of homework

Dad: Behenchod naam toh thik se bol, Master Bhushan hai woh.

????
BannedUser is not available now
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#37
एक मेडिकल रिप्रजेंटेटिव सुहाग रात को बीवी से सेक्स कर रहा था।
बीवी: यह तुम्हारा अपना है क्या?
मेडिकल रिप्रजेंटेटिव: क्या मतलब?
बीवी: वो मेडिकल रिप्रजेंटेटिव के पास अक्सर सैम्पल(SAMPLE) ही होते हैं न!
?????????
BannedUser is not available now
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#38
“Kaccha papad pakka papad”
toh koi bhi bol sakta hai…
.
.
Ab zara yeh bol ke dikhao…

“A Good Cook could cook good”
.
.
.
.
Kya hua…?
Ho gayi na kud-kud-kud-kud…

??????
BannedUser is not available now
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#39
लड़की ने फेसबुक स्टटे्स अपडेट किया
Feeling awesome

Ex Boyfriend ने कमेन्ट् किया

दे आई ?

??????
BannedUser is not available now
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#40
Market ki Maa chod dega yeh.....
!!!!!

एक आदमी गुस्से में बीबी से
बोला...
दिल करता है कि तेरे टुकड़े टुकड़े कर के
बाहर फेंक दूँ ।
अचानक पड़ोस में से आवाज आई.....



भाई चूत इधर फेंकना ।
???????


मेरी शौहरत की बुलंदियों को देखकर हैरान हैं लोग

पर किसी ने मेरी चूत की सूजन नही देखी

-सनी लियोन??
BannedUser is not available now
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#41
लड़की दूकानदार से:- CONDOM देना.

दूकानदार(मस्ती मैं):- किस लिए!

लड़की (गुस्से से):- तेरे बाप को गिफ्ट करूँगी, ताकि तेरे जैसा दूसरा चुतिया पैदा ना करे
BannedUser is not available now
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#42
Fully Latest ??
??? ??????
मास्टर - कल स्कुल क्यूँ नहीं आये?
बबलू - गल्फ्रेंड से मिलने गया था .
मास्टर - किस लिये ?
बबलू - येस सर.
मास्टर - मैंने पूछा किस लिये?
बबलू - लिये सर बहुत लिये...
??????
BannedUser is not available now
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#43
?????
गन्या लाइट गेल्यामुळ मेनबत्ती घेउन हागायला निघालेला,,



कोनी तरी आला आनि फुक मारुन म्हनाला
हैपी बर्थडे टु यु...


आणि मग गण्या म्हणाला
मादरचोद !केक खाल्ल्याशिवाय जाऊ नको भाड्या !!!!! !!??????
BannedUser is not available now
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#44
बाप : बेटा जब हम जवान थे 10 रु में जी भर
के दुध पिया करते थे.।

बेटा : पापा मजे थे आपके

आजकल तो 300 रु. मे कोई दबाने भी
नहीं देती!!
.
.
.
.
.
.बाप: तेरी माँ की mai भैंस के दूध की बात कर रहा हु भोसड़ी के
दे थप्पड़... दे थप्पड़.. दे थप्पड़!!
??????
BannedUser is not available now
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#45
A pole in the hole, make a new soul...
Sex is game
BannedUser is not available now
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#46
KAMASUTRA says that.. sex is..

Duty- if done with ur wife..
Art- if done with ur love..
Education- if done with a virgin..
Tution- if done with ur teacher..
Job- if done with your boss/secretary..
Science- if done with a fertile lady..
Business- if done with a prostitute..
Social work - if done with ur neighbour
Charity- if done with a widow
Sacrifice- if done with ur own hand
BannedUser is not available now
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#47
Unsay kaho hum se jalna chhod de
... Ay dost..

Hum to woh siyah bakht hain agar kholayn
LOTAY Ki Dukan,,
to log Hagna
chhod den.. :-D
BannedUser is not available now
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#48
Khawabon main chally ao!!!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
k humain "Ahtlam"ho jaye tumhain bhi dard na ho aur humara bhi kam ho jaye"

VenomUser is not available now
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#49
टीचर : “बताओ लड़कियां ब्रा क्यों पहनती है ? ”पप्पू : साइन्स की वजह से” टीचर : “वो कैसे” पप्पू : “क्योंकि साइन्स भी.... इस बात को मानती है की खाने पीने की चीज़ो को ढककर रखना चाहिए..... टीचर : मादरचोद"......? ????????
VenomUser is not available now
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#50
पडोसन की गांड मारते हुए पति को पत्नी ने देख लिया! रंगे हाथ पकड़े गये पति ने पत्नी को ऐसा जवाब दिया कि पत्नी खुश हो गई!
"मैंने पहले ही बोला था कि जो कोई भी तेरे बारे में भला बुरा बोलेगा उसकी मैं गांड मार दूँगा!"
VenomUser is not available now
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#51
The latest bra from Victoria's Secret is called English Soccer.
So much publicity... so much hope... but it has no cup!
VenomUser is not available now
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#52
There are 2 ways of living life:
1. Ab Kya Hoga Bhenchod
2. Bhenchod Jo Hoga Dekha Jayega
Place Bhenchod correctly and move on in life!
VenomUser is not available now
[PM 3176]
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#53
Why underwear is named Langoti in Hindi?
Because it takes care of 1 Lund and 2 Gotis!
VenomUser is not available now
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#54
KAMASUTRA says that.. sex is..

Duty- if done with ur wife..
Art- if done with ur love..
Education- if done with a virgin..
Tution- if done with ur teacher..
Job- if done with your boss/secretary..
Science- if done with a fertile lady..
Business- if done with a prostitute..
Social work - if done with ur neighbour
Charity- if done with a widow
Sacrifice- if done with ur own hand
VenomUser is not available now
[PM 3176]
Rank : Beginner
Status : Member

#55
Aids awareness slogan:

Cover ur stump b4 u pump
dont b silly, protect ur jelly..
AIDS is no joke
wrap b4 u poke
dont be fool
condomize ur tool... ;-)
VenomUser is not available now
[PM 3176]
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#56
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine,

I can put mine in yours, but you can’t put yours in mine.

Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine,

I know the length of yours but you will never know the depth of mine. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
VenomUser is not available now
[PM 3176]
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#57
Boy: How much calcium is there in ladies’ Breasts?

Girl: I don’t have any thought..
yet it has enough calcium to push a Man’s boneless thing to standup! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
VenomUser is not available now
[PM 3176]
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#58
Khawabon main chally ao!!!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
k humain "Ahtlam"ho jaye tumhain bhi dard na ho aur humara bhi kam ho jaye"
VenomUser is not available now
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#59
Ek Baar Bandar Aur Girrafe Mein Deal Hoti Hai Ki Teri Biwi Meri Aur Meri Biwi Teri.
Kuch Din Baad Girraffe Bandar Ko Milne Aata Hai Aur Dekhta Hai To Bandar Niche Gira Pada Hai, Muh Se Zaag Nikal Rahi Hoti Hai.
Girraffe: “Arey Kya Hua Tujhe?”
Bandar: “Bhenchod, Apni Biwi Wapas Le Ja.”
Girraffe: “Kyu? Kya Hua? Maza Nahi Aaya?”
Bandar: “Maza? Bhenchod Kiss Karne Upar Chadho, Mamme Dabane Niche Aao, Chodne Pichhe Jao, Bhenchod Gand Fat Gayi Meri Daud Daud Ke”
VenomUser is not available now
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#60
एक महिला डॉक्टर के पास गयी और बोली:
मेरे घुटने सूज गये है, इनकी सूजन कम करने की दवाई दे दो।
डॉक्टर- ये चोट तुम्हे कैसे लगी?
महिला- चोट-वोट नही लगी है, मेरे पति मुझे हमेशा कुतिया बनाकर चोदते है, तभी इनमें सूजन आ गयी है।
डॉक्टर- तो किसी दूसरे स्टाइल में चुदा करो, और भी तो तरीके है चुदने के।
महिला- है तो…पर उनसे मेरा TV सीरियल मिस हो जाता है।
Conrad1234User is not available now
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#61
very very good ones, thanks
kuma_rraj1234User is not available now
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#62
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
the_princeUser is not available now
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Rank : IrOnM@n
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#63
Patni: Nashta Karlo.
Husband: Sex hi Mera nashta hai.
(Aur pati sex kame lag jata haj)

Dopahar ko Patni : Lunch Karlo.

Husband: Sex hi Mera lunch hai, •
(Aur pati sex kame lag Jata haj)

(Raat k0 jab pati ghar aata hai toh Patni panty utaar kar
heater ke aago baithi hoti haj)

Husband: Ye kya hai

Patni : Hawas ke pujari khana
garam kar rahi hun.


-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
the_princeUser is not available now
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#64
पिंकी= बस में अपने बॉयफ्रेंड की गोद में बैठी थी

पिंकी ने कंडक्टर से कहा बस धीरे चलाओ जटके बहुत ज्यादा लग रहे हैं

कंडक्टर= मैडम जी गोदी में से उठ कर देख बस तो कब से खड़ी है ।

-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
the_princeUser is not available now
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#65

पिंकी=को इंग्लिश बोलने का बहुत शौक था
शादी = की पहली रात उसे पता लगा कि उसके पति का सिर्फ एक ही पैर है
पिंकी- गुस्से में मायके जाकर अपनी मां से बोली मां मेरे पति का सिर्फ 1 फुट है
मां = हैरान होकर बोली बेटी तुझे और कितना बड़ा चाहिए


-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
the_princeUser is not available now
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#66
तेज बारिश में बस स्टॉप पर खड़ा पप्पू एक लड़की के निप्पल को देखकर बोला
आपकी हेड लाइट ऑन है

लड़की बिजली मेरी खर्च हो रही है या तेरी

पप्पू मगरलोड तो मेरे खंबे पर पड़ रहा है
-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
the_princeUser is not available now
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#67
Patni= प्लीज जरा यह ब्रा का हुक लगा दीजिए

pati= मैं इसके बदले 3 चुंबन लूंगा

patni= रहने दो जी- पड़ोसी से फ्री में लगवा लेती हूं
वह हाथ डालकर सेट भी कर देगा
-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
the_princeUser is not available now
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#68
पप्पू को लेडीस गारमेंट शॉप पर सेल्समैन की नौकरी मिल गई

वहां पर एक लड़की आई और उसने कहा अंडरवेयर दिखाओ

पप्पू = शर्माते हुए बोला आज नहीं पहना ।



-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
daz007User is not available now
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#69
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
daz007User is not available now
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#70
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!" -----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
BannedUser is not available now
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#71
??
TesterguyUser is not available now
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#72
so funny hahah
john_honaiUser is not available now
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#73
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."-----------------
1 ❤:
amit303,
daz007User is not available now
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#74
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
BannedUser is not available now
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#75
??
daz007User is not available now
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#76
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Person1234User is not available now
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#77
What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees.
Person1234User is not available now
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#78
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.
Person1234User is not available now
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#79
Welcome to the sexual inneundo club.

Thank you all for coming.
Person1234User is not available now
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#80
Are you an elevator?

Because I want to go up and down on you.
daz007User is not available now
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#81
Patni: Nashta Karlo.
Husband: Sex hi Mera nashta hai.
(Aur pati sex kame lag jata haj)
Dopahar ko Patni
: Lunch Karlo.
Husband: Sex hi Mera lunch hai, •
(Aur pati sex kame lag Jata haj)
(Raat k0 jab pati ghar aata hai toh Patni panty utaar kar
heater ke aago baithi hoti haj)
Husband: Ye kya hai
Patni : Hawas ke pujari khana
garam kar rahi hun.

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#82
05 "ADULT"one liners

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.


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#83
Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a cow." The third guy said, "I slept like a rabbit. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole."
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#84
What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?


The wedding ring.
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#85
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
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#86
Ha ha ha, I've been reading all day
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#87
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
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#88
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A. Thanks for coming!
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#89
xaxaxaxa
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